Social Networking Comes to Life: Meetup

Today I was clicking around online, looking for a writers' group in St. Paul and wound up on this website called Meetup. Based out of New York, this company improves social networking by providing a site that aims to connect people in real life.

I guess Meetup started in 2001 and this year some serious changes occurred to their formatting. Many veteran users are frustrated, but from my newbie, rose-colored lenses perspective, I am excited about this find, because I think it offers another opportunity for me to connect with cool happenings in my community.

All you need to do to find a meetup group is enter your location and the kind of meeting you want to find, whether it be for a book club or a Russian Martial Arts group (yes--this is a real group that exists in NC with 58 members and counting). The possibilities are endless, and if you can't find a meetup group, then you can create one.

On their homepage, you can see the recent RSVPs to meetup, and it's impressive. Every second there are people across the world meeting up. This website's purpose is to help local groups organize, and it seems to be effective. I look forward to trying it. In this day and age when people feel so disconnected, I find Meetup to be a creative way to integrate our reliance on computer applications with our desire to build relationships with people.

If you are interested in being part of the Meetup team, and already live in NY or would like to, looks like they are currently hiring for a variety of positions.

For more information about Meetup, take a look at their blog or follow them on Twitter: @Meetup.

Cheaters Never Prosper. So true.

Recently an article was put out by MSN called "I went undercover on America's cheating website." I ran into it on a friend's webpage this morning.

The article notes that sex only scratches the surface of the reasons why 5,440,000 U.S. men cheat openly on ashleymadison.com. Are we surprised?

From the writer's experience with various members from the site, she found some interesting but not alarming reasons why these men were cheating. Her subtitles linked us to these themes:
* Am I missing out?
* I could never have this conversation with her
* Talking about the glory days
* On to the next

Am I missing out?

Because we live in the era of information overload, countless choices, numerous career changes, instant messaging and instant gratification, can we be surprised that people feel like they are missing out? Not only does having too many options exhaust us, but it also makes people question whether or not they made the right choice.

An article published in the LA times in 2009 mentions that having too many choices does not necessarily mean a happier consumer.

I think that this observation can be keenly noted in the area of relationships. Are the people who frequent such websites happier than the average citizen? Have they accepted that enough is enough? Do we need to have our cake and our neighbor's cake and eat it all too? This seems to be modern culture's way of thought. In the end, the person with all the cake is feeling fat and wondering why they ate all the cake.

We should be asking why are we so hungry? Do we feel unloved? What is it that is really bothering us? After examining that question maybe we can begin to look ourselves in the eye and get to the heart of the matter, and maybe we can begin to address why the relationship we are in isn't working for us. Maybe.

I could never have this conversation with her

I am not going to write a novel about each topic, that would bore you. I will say two things here:

1) If you are going to get married, make sure you can converse with the person you are marrying. Pretty simple rule to follow.

2) If you are having issues with communication or lost it somewhere down the road, seek counseling first. Perhaps the person isn't right for you and you can cross that bridge when it comes up, but at least have the courage to address the issue. Going behind somebody's back and talking to someone else about how you cannot communicate with another person does not improve anything. It only hurts both parties.

Talking about the glory days

Two things again:

1) Yes it's fun to relive the excitement and yes it is true that some of that first excitement will change over time and never be the same. But don't stop trying to be excited. Do new things in your relationship or as the article put it, "keep it fresh."

2) This section of the article reminded me about a blog I posted in 2008 about relationships and community. It has a cute little excerpt from Vonnegut's God bless you, Dr. Kervorkian that talks about how people are really missing community or true friends in their lives, not necessarily a better partner. People just want people to talk to and to tell their story to again and again (you'll see this a lot with old people).

On to the next

This part connects to having too many choices but also reminds me again of mainstream culture's infatuation with disposability and waste. We consider it luxury at the peril of ourselves and others, mainly people we exploit from third world countries and the world itself--Mother Earth.

In the case of the article people are doing it to their own family members. Do they think that these actions do not hurt their children--the future generation? How incredibly sad, but transparent, these "cheaters" are simply lost human beings seeking love. It could be argued that they are just products or reflections of our societal values right now.

With that said, let us truly wake up and really think about this article today. Think about our own loneliness. When you are feeling lonely how do you deal with it? Maybe you do not cheat but do you maybe go and buy things you do not need or indulge in foods that make you ill? Just think about it for a moment.

Also, let us ask ourselves, do we treat other people and ourselves with integrity and with value anymore? What are our values? What is really missing in our lives that drive us to such measures? Do we treat nature and our neighboring countries and those afar with the respect and love that they deserve? Why or why not?

Read the full MSN article here.

Do or do not. There is no try.

Hello online friends,

Truth be told, I have been incredibly swept up in life lately. For the past month I have been in the middle of my dissertation trying to answer the question, "Who is my community?" which then lead naturally to the question "Who am I?"

Why do I always ask such charged questions? I'm not sure, but I think it is because we all tend to ask questions that we really want to know the answer to--so this past month I have really been exploring just that...who...am...I?

What is to be said of that experience will be put together in words and in art form in the next few weeks, hopefully days if I can really push myself to DO it.

While I recognize that I am constantly changing and that it will only be a snapshot of myself right at this very moment, it has still been quite the task to attempt to answer such a question for me. It has been incredibly challenging and for the time being, my answer to the question, "who am I?" is "Procrastinator."

"Who do I want to be?" is another question that has come into play in this discourse...while I am trying to define my community and myself there is a lot of thought surrounding the future and who I am to become. Which leads me to who I presently want to be in this moment today: Yoda. If I was more like Yoda I would not be on here typing about my anxiety for writing and creating but would be persevering!

"Do or do not. There is no try." Good advice for me this week, and maybe for you readers out there?

Building Community, Building Health

The above diagram is the Cultural Wellness Center's take on how sickness develops. They call it the People's Theory, and they link one's lack of community directly to one's health and well-being.

This organization's goal is "to unleash the power of citizens to heal themselves and build community."

For my Master's research project, I have recently switched from the topic of healthy homes to community building. I figure if we want to spread the word about what is healthy and what is not in our homes and in our life, we need a place and a people to start the movement and the discussion first. So now I sit with many empty pages that need to be filled, ready to start research on community.

As of now, I really do have a blank page. I have dialed some people and wrote some emails but I am not sure where the project will go.

I hope to collaborate with the Cultural Wellness Center for part of my research project, and I have sent an email and left a phone message. Now I wait to hear back. Crossing my fingers that something pans out.

So here's to hoping they call me and hoping that today brings you a positive sense of belonging and worth :)

Questions to ask yourself about community and health:
* Who is your community?
* What different communities do you belong to?
* How do these communities affect your health and well-being?
* When was a time you felt isolated and lonely, without a community? How was your health during this time period?

Quick note about Fire

The fire is the main comfort of the camp, whether in summer or winter, and is about as ample at one season as at another. It is as well for cheerfulness as for warmth and dryness. ~Henry David Thoreau

As I previously blogged about spirituality and how I would like to pay more attention to it, it is funny that tonight when I opened my book on herbs, spirituality was mentioned in the chapter I happened to be reading.

I came upon an intersting anecdote I wanted to share from the book, (Plant Spirit Medicine by Eliot Cowan). The chapter I read was about the element fire and of course about spirituality.

Cowan discusses the role of fire in our lives. He says that fire is what gives us pleasure. This connection makes sense in relation to Thoreau's quote about fire being good for cheerfulness and it makes sense in relation to fire being commonly connected to the pleasure of sex among other passions in life.

Cowan goes on to mention that people look for hot stuff in life because our spirits are cold. His take on this void of spirituality and heat comes from a void of love. He says that the only thing that can truly warm us is love. This reflection is interesting to think about if one considers the person who is "looking for love in all the wrong places."

Cowan says that on top of our need for pleasure and heat, we live in a society that is cold-hearted. He explains, "We are spiritually frigid and so we have an infantile craving for pleasure. This craving is whipped into frenzy by purveyors of merchandise of every kind" (p.72). People fill their lives with all forms of pleasure but cannot seem to find happiness. Cowan suggests it is because these people have not found love in their lives.

He also mentions that the element of fire has the power to bring things to maturity. He says, "A mature human being is one whose spirit has been warmed by the fire of love" (p.72). This quote suggests that part of connecting to our spiritual selves and reaching maturity is in finding the ability to love from our hearts and in making space for receiving love in our lives.

Now to the juicy part which perhaps I have built up (I'm sorry). I'll leave it alone after I get this out. I promise.

Cowan includes an anecdote about an anthropologist that went to learn about the songs of the Hopi tribe. On the anthropologist's visit, he met an elder and had the elder sing the songs of the tribe. The anthropologist noticed that the elder kept singing songs about water. Slightly annoyed, the anthropologist asked if all of the songs were about water. The Hopi elder responded that yes, the songs were mostly about water because their need for water was so great in their community and that most of their songs reflected the greatest needs of their people.

The Hopi Elder then said, "I listen to a lot of American music. Seems like most American music is about love." He then asked the question, "Is that why? Is that because you don't have very much?" (73)

A word on compassion

Post high-school I have not been a huge church-goer. Like many young people of today I have been challenged in finding a place of worship I feel comfortable with. Another reason why I think it has been a challenge to get to church is because of my lack of time and priorities. For awhile Jay and I were regularly attending different churches trying them on for size. Now that we have weddings on the weekends and other numerous tasks and social engagements, etc. written all over the calendar going to church has not been on the top of our list. I need to change that somehow. I'm glad that this upcoming weekend both Jay and I are in the same place and can make time for church.

For those who know me, beyond my time and priorities excuse, just the challenge of "what do I believe in" is hard enough to get me to church sometimes. However if I know one thing its that I believe in community and a lot of churches are just that. And if I put community high on my priorities list, church surely won't fall short.

As I have been cleaning through scraps of paper and memories in my home I found some "worship notes" I wrote down from a January 2010 visit I made to the Santuary. A good girlfriend of mine introduced me to this church community and so far I have to say it is my favorite church I have attended, and I have been there a handful of times and have not been disappointed once. I always feel so good after going and love the sermons, songs, people and hand-clapping and booty shakin'. Who doesn't love a good hand clap or booty-shake, really?

The message that I wanted to record(so that I can recycle the note I found today) is about compassion. Pastor Efrem Smith was speaking on Advancing the Kingdom of God, and in his message he mentioned that it takes compassion to share your resources, but more important that it takes Kingdom compassion to know that they are not your resources in the first place. I remember writing this message down because I think it's relevant and powerful. This idea of ownership is taking over our society. We either won't take ownership/responsibility or we are too-proud-owners and unwilling to share the wealth with others. Where is the middle ground?

To me the idea of ownership in a way is just an illusion. Nobody owns the oceans, the land or the Earth. Really, nobody does, however we go around with the illusion that we do and that we can make profits from these things. Or maybe we are such proud owners of x,y, and z products. And sure, we did pay for them/earn them or whatever, but so what? I feel like such emphasis on ownership really separates us. What I liked about the message from the pastor is that he reminds us that whether you bought your way to where you are through hard work and sweat or whether you claimed something yours that was not yours, your gifts you "own" today have been given to you and are not necessarily meant for you but meant to be shared. In a way then, they are not really yours, but belong to the collective, the community that gave you the opportunities and the growth. We often forget how many resources and privileges we have that were never ours to begin with and it is important to remember this piece of wisdom and be humbled a bit.

I wrote these notes down because it feels good to change the perspective of generosity from simply elevating oneself to just opening oneself to the strength of the collective. It feels good to realize that you are part of something and that there really is no separation between the giver and the gifted. It feels good to be compassionate, even if it is not an act that belongs to me or that I own.

Which reminds me of a quote from Into the Wild about sharing and the human experience, that the main character McCandless wrote while he grew lonelier and more desperate in nature, "And so it turned out that only a life similar to the life of those around us, merging without a ripple, is genuine life, and that unshared happiness is not happiness...And this was the most vexing of all," he noted, "HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED" (Krakauer, p.189).