OK, now let's have some fun. Let's talk about sex. Let's talk about women. Freud said he didn't know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything.
What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn't get so mad at them.
Why are so many people getting a divorce today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got more pals to tell dumb jokes to.
A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navahos. The Kennedys.
But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it's a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it's a man. When a couple has an argument, they may think it's about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they're really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this:
What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn't get so mad at them.
Why are so many people getting a divorce today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got more pals to tell dumb jokes to.
A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navahos. The Kennedys.
But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it's a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it's a man. When a couple has an argument, they may think it's about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they're really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this:
'You are not enough people!'
I met a man in Nigeria one time, an Ibo who had 600 relatives he knew quite well. His wife just had a baby, the best possible news in any extended family.
They were going to take it to meet all its relatives, Ibos of all ages and sizes and shapes. It would even meet other babies, cousins not much older than it was. Everybody who was big enough and steady enough was going to get to hold it, cuddle it, gurgle to it, and say how pretty it was, or handsome.
Wouldn't you have loved to be that baby?
The above passage is taken from Kurt Vonnegut's introduction in his God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian (pages 14-16). Now, truth be told, I first listened to this 79 page book on tape and it concluded in about 45 minutes of driving into work last Thursday. Then of course I had to buy the book. It has been maybe 3 years since I read Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed his writing and sense of humor. It is a unique book as it was actually broadcasted over the radio to begin with, so I felt happy to have first experienced it through its intended method of communication.
Anyway, I put this blurb up there because while he contradicts himself to make a joke, there is a lot of truth in his words. In his contradiction, Vonnegut makes another point. That we humans are quite contradictory, and we might think we want something, but the second we may have it, we can find thousands of reasons why we wish it was some other way.
This also leads to his comment about marriage/divorce and how the main reason relationships fail is because we want more than one person, more than one relationship. I agree with this idea. I don't (and he doesn't either, I don't think) believe he is necessarily alluding to the idea that we want to be with more than one person promiscuously, but rather, we all have many interests and passions and hobbies, and personality traits, and hopes and dreams, so it is very, very hard to find one person who can encompass/satisfy all of our needs in just one person. I was actually discussing this very idea with a friend who had just ended a relationship of 5 years or so, and she was asking why best friends could stay friends forever, but it couldn't be that way in an amorous relationship. And I had mentioned to her the fact that, we often seek certain friends when we are in certain moods, if you have a friend you like to bead with, you can call the beader. If you want to play basketball, you can round up the ballers, if you want to go drinking, you call the drunks. And those best friends of yours? Well couldn't you just kill them sometimes? Don't you sometimes take weeks/months/year's breaks from them? But when it comes to that special someone that Disney and mom and dad and everyone around you has built up (including yourself), you don't just want to make jewelry with them, or bake cookies together, well maybe you do (I do..but anyway...) you expect the whole world and then a little bit more from them. And well, if you really think about it, of course the relationship would be destined to fail if you actually believed one person could satisfy every need you have.
I am not saying that I don't believe you can find one person to love ya darn good and for eternity, etc. etc. I still believe in butterflies and romance, and big teddy bears and chocolate cakes. They definitely exist. But the main point of this blog post tonight is that, (I think?) you should never let go of the opportunity to meet new people and expand your horizons. Never let yourself stop learning or just spend your whole existence with one person. At least if you are with that person, be sure you are doing the things you want to be doing, and be sure never to let go of people that once mattered to you because you think your found your Romeo or Juliet. Shit happens. And when it does, the truth is you do want more than one person to be there for you.
And, I just have to diminish my powerful ending (ha!) with some more tangents by saying I think that this blog was spurred by a few things going on in my personal life right now:
a) Kurt Vonnegut rocking my world and making the rest of my weekend fabulous by his witticisms.
b) Me feeling older than I am, (A co-worker of mine did say, "Kali, you are like a 78 year-old stuck in a 23 year-old's body) and really appreciating every moment of my life.
c) All of the weddings going on, divorces, and relationship woes with my fellow classmates causes time for reflection and praise for my easy life of managing my relationship with myself and my friends and family.
d) The recent realization that I am in no way ready to settle down! Not to say that being in a relationship means settling down (I hope to still be rowdy when I am cuddled up on a floral-printed sofa with my lover, watching a re-run of Wheel of Fortune, come age 80 something.)
e) The meeting of some cool, intelligent, chemical engineer girls that I never knew until this weekend--again demonstrating how your life can take a new turn everyday if you want it to.
But I have spent enough time here today, and there is lots of work I have yet to do before the work week begins, so like Vonnegut would say, Ta ta for now! This is kj, signing off!
c) All of the weddings going on, divorces, and relationship woes with my fellow classmates causes time for reflection and praise for my easy life of managing my relationship with myself and my friends and family.
d) The recent realization that I am in no way ready to settle down! Not to say that being in a relationship means settling down (I hope to still be rowdy when I am cuddled up on a floral-printed sofa with my lover, watching a re-run of Wheel of Fortune, come age 80 something.)
e) The meeting of some cool, intelligent, chemical engineer girls that I never knew until this weekend--again demonstrating how your life can take a new turn everyday if you want it to.
But I have spent enough time here today, and there is lots of work I have yet to do before the work week begins, so like Vonnegut would say, Ta ta for now! This is kj, signing off!
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