Authentic Voices

The other night with a pair of dear friends, one of those conversations started, the kind that pokes at the basic question of life and being.

Of course we did not come to a definitive conclusion about much, but the whole topic did strike a chord within me and brought me here to write.

In particular, we talked about the recent human rights struggle that the homosexual population is battling. In relation to their movement, we recognized how over time, there have been many similar battles but just in different forms.

For example, we talked about the civil rights movement and the fight for equality for African American folks. We talked about the friction of religion and how that has colored our world history.

We questioned whether or not anything has really changed at all with our species. Have we really evolved like they say or are we just humans becoming ourselves in a different era with different challenges? Although we are in a different time, we wondered if the challenges we face are really all that different.

We then pondered, if and when the homosexual crowd gets the equality they deserve, what personal battle will be on deck that we might not even be aware of? I'm not sure. But it's all really interesting to think about, and I've come to the momentary conclusion that these struggles have a lot to do with people finding their authentic voice and empowering themselves to use it.

This idea is emphasized by one of my favorite writers, Shaun McNiff. In his book, Trust the process: An artist's guide to letting go, he notes how one expression can be the stimulus for another creation/expression.

He says, "one thing is always growing from another" and that the source of this growth is life (p. 164). He says the reason why we paint from nature or write about our life experiences is because we are moved by life and all its events, people, problems, memories, scenes, patterns, gestures and creations of others or any other things, really.

He adds, "Creation is constantly playing different variations on themes and restating basic truths. The more we work at originality, the more we return to the same fundamentals which are renewed in each historical period by those who express them in appealing and striking ways" (p.165).

He goes on to say "Original statements keep returning to origins but in a style that is authentic to the person making the expression. The source never can be copied because it doesn't exist anywhere in a fixed form. It can only be interpreted" (p. 165).

These words makes me realize that what is happening with the gay community right now is not totally unique or original but is yet another expression of people being people.

In this light, suddenly life seems simple to me. What every culture and people have needed throughout time has been a space and some encouragement for authentic and sincere expression.

These issues and challenges are not original or new, and although McNiff writes in relation to creating art, I think his point speaks well to life in general; "If we liberate our personal and often idiosyncratic styles, we will create with individuality and vitality" (p. 165).

In other words, if we can all find our authentic voices and use them, we will learn how to appreciate and be inspired by other forms of expression and being. And as we accept ourselves and others, we may finally thrive as a people.

Spring cleaning and letting go

As I finish my dissertation I noticed my need to hold onto ideas and words. I take notes like a mad woman, I save documents in my computer of a couple thoughts I may have had. I won't delete anything, just cut and paste "stuff" into another document that I will probably never open again (because it is crap)--but nonetheless it will be saved, because you never know one day it's crap and the next day it's genius, right?

I noticed this habit also presents itself in my daily life. I buy more boards and concrete and add another shelf to my bookshelf before I would consider getting rid of some books. I save every plastic container that cannot be recycled in hopes of finding a use for it someday. I won't get rid of that one dress just in case I happen to need it for an occassion--or my body frame happens to suddenly turn Barbie. I will save an uninspiring piece of jewelry with the intent to make it into something beautiful one day.

As a result of all of this saving and hoarding I am left with an apartment that is quite cluttered and a feeling of stuckness and "unfinished business". This observation brings me to the point, when we surround ourselves with all of these things and ideas that do not quite fit we inhibit ourselves from thinking in new ways, being creative and simply noticing.

In our culture, we are so attached and unable to let go that we do not have a hand truly available to even begin to grasp what might be very important to us. Do you truly love every book on your bookshelf? What is more important a large library with books that you don't care about or a small library filled with all of your favorites? Why do you feel it's necessary to hold on? Maybe it's not books for you, what is it that you grasp? What are you too attached to? This is a question I am asking myself.

Without this discernment process there is literally no room for us to recognize our dreams or our best interests, because we are holding onto countless things, relationships, ideas that keep us occupied and controlled. At least, this is my current reality, as I approach graduation and try to decide where I will spend the majority of my efforts in the next few years. I have never been a fan of choosing, but now more than ever I am recognizing its importance.

Today Shaun McNiff reminded me that deleting and getting rid of things or eliminating is a good way to make room for reflection on the things that matter to us most. He says it much better than I can so I will close by sharing an excerpt from his book, Trust the process: An artist's guide to letting go, one of those works that would definitely be on my small bookshelf of favorites.

While he writes strictly in relation to artistic endeavors, art is the form of life so to me his words also provide good life reflection that help us think about our lives and what is essential to our well-being.

Here goes:

"Elimination is essential to concentration. When you can't find a way through a situation, it might be better to reflect on what is already presenting itself. As you choose what to omit, you indirectly select what to keep.

There can be a tremendous pleasure attached to deleting and throwing out materials that obstruct the flow of what you are trying to express. We tend to hang onto bothersome things, trying to make them fit into our lives like parts of a painting or a story that just don't belong. Keeping these things obscures the essential message we are trying to convey. Moving along can be as simple as designating the unworkable sections and hitting the delete button on your keyboard...

Getting to the core involves a realization that we are in a process that is much bigger than ourselves and that all we can do is make contributions and connections between things, one day at a time, one instant to the next. Trying too hard to find the essence tends to keep us on the periphery. The most vital expressions emerge when we are most relaxed, when we simply immerse ourselves in the immediate environment and trust that something significant will appear...

I approach the making of deletions with the realization that they are a necessity. I cannot get to the core unless I eliminate the clutter and distractions that obstruct concentration on the essential message. There are phases in the making of a painting or the writing of a book that resemble clearing out the barn, the attic, or a cluttered closet in order to gain a renewed sense of spaciousness, and a better use of the environment...

The forward moving process of expression requires deletion...

In the artistic process and in daily life, it is always challenging to eliminate and let go. Today's foreground becomes tomorrow's background...

Whenever we abstract an essence from a life situation or perception we simplify, select, and delete...

Look at your surrounding environment with the goal of abstracting essential elements" (McNiff, 1998, p. 104-107).

* Where can you learn to let go in your life?
* What is holding you back that you can simply delete in order to move forward?
* Can you let go, but then buy something new to replace it right away? Some of us get rid of stuff too much because we have too much. If this might be you, you might want to check out The Story of Stuff, and challenge yourself to ask what you really need and take a personal inventory of your stuff to see what you already have.

Trust the Process

This post is about trusting the process. One of those sayings that I love and hate at the same time.

The particular process I am talking about refers to my research project (although "the process" also applies to life as a whole).

Research, in particular, has been quite a pain so far. This is an understatement. Ask my classmates. So far, not a lot of joy has come out of "the process" with this course. I'm sorry to report this news, but that's my truth at the moment.

This upcoming semester is supposed to be my last semester in research. (Note I say supposed to be...I'm crossing my fingers). By the end of May according to the syllabus, I should be presenting my work.

Sitting in my kitchen right now, buried under an array of books and papers and the clutter of my mind, I am feeling smaller and smaller, like my voice is getting weaker through this "process."

At the same time, I am feeling something stronger, just at the surface of something. What this feeling is must be hope or perhaps a twitch of some sort. If I'm lucky it means I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. If I'm not lucky, it could be closer to something like a breakdown. I'm not sure. I'm just waiting.

I don't have much time to elaborate on what I'm going through, but I'd like to put some quotes up from Shaun McNiff that are all I have to hold onto at this point. In my journey so far he is the only person who seems to make me feel a little better about the feeling of stuckness I have regarding research and what research is all about. These quotes come from his book, Trust the process: An artist's guide to letting go.

"A person's license to create is irrevocable, and it opens to every corner of daily life. But it is always hard to see that doubt, fear, and indirectness are eternal aspects of the creative path" (p. 1).

"There have been so many times when I have given up, only to go at it again the next day, or the next year, and over the full course of life all of the moments appear so purposeful or even necessary" (p. 9).

"If we are able to stay with a situation, it will carry us to a new place" (p. 22).

"Anything truly novel and significant comes through unwatched, unintended, daimonically" (p.33).

The book is full of these sorts of gems, but I do not have time nor is it legal to paste them all down for you. So borrow the book from me or buy it if you are needing some words of encouragement through your creative process--your life, is what I'd call it.

On a side note: I will say, while I have not been personally touched by my Ah ha! moment in the realm of research, some other synchronicities have been playing themselves out in life, and there may be opportunities there for creation and a potential "side business." If I am lucky, it could be bigger than a side business. However, until I finish my research work for my M.A. I will not be putting too much time into this dream of mine.

Which leaves me to my last quote that I just saw on my tea bag:

"Our patience will achieve more than our force."