Trust the Process

This post is about trusting the process. One of those sayings that I love and hate at the same time.

The particular process I am talking about refers to my research project (although "the process" also applies to life as a whole).

Research, in particular, has been quite a pain so far. This is an understatement. Ask my classmates. So far, not a lot of joy has come out of "the process" with this course. I'm sorry to report this news, but that's my truth at the moment.

This upcoming semester is supposed to be my last semester in research. (Note I say supposed to be...I'm crossing my fingers). By the end of May according to the syllabus, I should be presenting my work.

Sitting in my kitchen right now, buried under an array of books and papers and the clutter of my mind, I am feeling smaller and smaller, like my voice is getting weaker through this "process."

At the same time, I am feeling something stronger, just at the surface of something. What this feeling is must be hope or perhaps a twitch of some sort. If I'm lucky it means I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. If I'm not lucky, it could be closer to something like a breakdown. I'm not sure. I'm just waiting.

I don't have much time to elaborate on what I'm going through, but I'd like to put some quotes up from Shaun McNiff that are all I have to hold onto at this point. In my journey so far he is the only person who seems to make me feel a little better about the feeling of stuckness I have regarding research and what research is all about. These quotes come from his book, Trust the process: An artist's guide to letting go.

"A person's license to create is irrevocable, and it opens to every corner of daily life. But it is always hard to see that doubt, fear, and indirectness are eternal aspects of the creative path" (p. 1).

"There have been so many times when I have given up, only to go at it again the next day, or the next year, and over the full course of life all of the moments appear so purposeful or even necessary" (p. 9).

"If we are able to stay with a situation, it will carry us to a new place" (p. 22).

"Anything truly novel and significant comes through unwatched, unintended, daimonically" (p.33).

The book is full of these sorts of gems, but I do not have time nor is it legal to paste them all down for you. So borrow the book from me or buy it if you are needing some words of encouragement through your creative process--your life, is what I'd call it.

On a side note: I will say, while I have not been personally touched by my Ah ha! moment in the realm of research, some other synchronicities have been playing themselves out in life, and there may be opportunities there for creation and a potential "side business." If I am lucky, it could be bigger than a side business. However, until I finish my research work for my M.A. I will not be putting too much time into this dream of mine.

Which leaves me to my last quote that I just saw on my tea bag:

"Our patience will achieve more than our force."