On death, on life, on future, on present, on the place called Heaven

Last night I spent some quality time with a gentleman caller I am particularly fond of (I know, gentleman caller, what am I living in the 1940's? What are kids these days calling a man lady friend...? Ah, defining is confining), anyway, it dawned on me yet again, that I need to continue to carry out my philosophy of truly living moment by moment and truly being present in my daily existence. It is so easy to have a belief and wholly believe it, but to live it out, to practice it, is a-whole-nother challenge. And, anyway, being with this boy has again brought to my attention the necessity to really just be in the moment and not dwell so much on where it is heading, because when people start doing that, well shit hits the fan and I don't know about you, but I don't want to really go there if I don't have to.

So many relationships are squashed because they are built on all of these promises that occur in the future or they are all complex due to elements of the past, and while I recognize the past is very important, (and this is why I tend to get hesitant if somebody's past seems sketchy), I also recognize that sometimes those events should just simply be looked at as being part of the past, and if they made up the person who is standing in front of you in the present, the person that you adore so much, then should it really matter that much?

I am trying not to get too deep here, and I didn't want this to get so long and I don't really know where I am going with it (check out all the labels for this post). All I am saying is that I am trying to live life doing the things I love. I am trying to live as a good and honest person. So with honesty, I write that I have been slightly worried really to open up to a new person, but this morning on my ride into work I had a revelation (after I conquered my fears) that if it is working now, then that is all that matters. And what brought me again to this realization is the passage you see below, which captures the main point of all that I am saying in a more general, succinct and beautiful way (and this actually pertains to pending death, not a relationship, but I think it works for what I am going for).

"In suggesting that there may be nothing ahead of them, he in no way meant to diminish the future; instead, Father Sullivan hoped to elevate the present to a state of the divine. ... How wrongheaded it seemed now to think that the thrill of heartbeat and breath were just a stepping stone to something greater. What could be greater than the armchair, the window, the snow? Life itself had been holy." (p.131)

Last night the mother of my manfriend read some pages and this was the only quoted part I could find online. I remember though, as she was puffing a cigarette, that this was the end of the passage she read. And I really liked it. She is making a copy of the larger passage, and if I get so ambitious as to add it to this page later, so be it. If not, I think this illustrates the message well enough.

So often we live with these hopes and dreams, asking questions like where do you want to be 5 years from now? Some people answer "Happy." However what people don't recognize is that you can be happy today if you want to be. Same with Heaven. Some people are living in this magnificent world, not thinking much of it, throwing trash in it, abusing it, ignoring it, taking it for granted, thinking that this life is not real, and Heaven is where its at. Yet ironically some of these same people are afraid of death, because they are afraid that Heaven might not be there, and then what? Well as Ann Patchett would suggest in a page or so of her book, "Run," why live in fear and elevate the future so much? Why not think about this: what if this world is Heaven? Why can't this life be heaven? Would people feel sad to know that this might just be it? If that is how you feel...sad or disappointed you might want to reevaluate what is important to you in life.

Would I be sad to know that this life is it, that this life could be Heaven and God himself? I sure wouldn't, not in the slightest. In fact, what a better way to live than elevate the present moment and the present life to the divine! Why not be grateful for the life we are living? Rather than search for God in some distant, uncertain future, why not find him in daily life/existence? Why not find him in the eyes of your lover, a friend, a stranger, or even yourself? Why not find him in the trunk of a tree, the rushing waters of a river? That is what life is all about to me, finding God or whatever higher being in today, in the now. And being ever so grateful for the life that I have been given today. :)

So on that note, have a wonderful day today! And may you have many more :)